What wedding traditions should we keep or dump? In this blog, I’ll touch on a few – I’m an incurable romantic and hope you will agree with my choices!
Many of the traditions we know and love are very ancient. Folk believed they warded off evil spirits, and brought luck and fertility to the happy couple. So much has changed, but marriage is still popular. Couples live together, sometimes for many years. Yet the idea of getting marriage seems to be the ultimate aim.
The white dress – KEEP
The white dress symbolises purity. Many couples live together before marrying, so ‘virginal’ white may not apply. Instead, it can symbolise the purity of the love the bride has for her groom.
The veil
KEEP OR DUMP – your choice
This is a very old tradition. The bride wears the veil over her face to ward off evil spirits. It was also a way of not revealing her beauty (or otherwise!) in an arranged marriage until the groom had made his promises. No wonder grooms got nervous!
The veil completes the beautiful and romantic image of the blushing bride. However, I have seen many brides who have worn a simple circlet of flowers matching her bouquet, with all the romantic symbolism that can have.
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.
KEEP! Too romantic to dump!
Something old – symbolises continuity with the past. Our lives are shaped by people from the past. Philosophers believe that the past, present and future are all connected. Joseph Conrad called it ‘the web of affinity’. I sewed antique lace onto my veil, while my daughter wore a marcasite pendant belonging to my grandmother.
Something new – symbolises new beginnings and trust in the future.
Something borrowed – from someone who is happily married, so the good luck will be shared by the bride. (I borrowed my mother’s pearls – she and Dad were married for 54 years!) It also reminds the bride that friends and family will be there for support in times of need.
Something blue – symbolizes purity, fidelity and love.
The wedding ring – KEEP
Romans believed that the vein in the ring finger (the fourth finger) on the left hand ran directly to the heart. And of course, the heart is the seat of love. Because of this, they called that vein the “vena amoris” or vein of love. Placing the ring on the fourth finger signifies the love that the newly married couple shares. The ring is an unbroken circle symbolising the eternal continuity of love from God and between bride and groom.
The entrance of the bride – KEEP
Traditionally the bride walks down the aisle on the left arm of her father, (or senior male relative if Dad is no longer in the picture). He then hands her over to the groom on his left side (to keep his sword arm free to protect her! I love the image of my brave husband, holding my hand while battling off challengers!)
Bridesmaids follow the bride (to ward off evil spirits, in ancient times)
Bridal bouquet – KEEP
Click for a closer look
Flowers add beauty and symbolism to the ceremony. Their ancient meanings can help you choose those that mean the most to you.
The exit – KEEP
The bride and groom exit first, followed by bridesmaids and pageboys, the best man and chief bridesmaid, the mother of the bride and the groom’s father, and the mother of the groom with the bride’s father. If one of the fathers has died or is absent, the best man or senior male member of the bridal party should step in to make sure that neither of the mothers walks alone.
The Reception
Receiving line – CAN BE DUMPED
The bride and groom, and parents of the happy couple can work their way round welcoming the assembled guests, meeting and greeting, for a less formal approach.
The top table
KEEP OR NOT – your choice!
The top table should be seated in the following order: the chief bridesmaid, groom’s father, bride’s mother, the groom, the bride, the bride’s father, the groom’s mother, the best man.
This arrangement can be changed depending on the style of your reception. We had round tables set out in my mother’s garden so there was no top table as such. Tricky family dynamics may also need to be taken into account.
Speeches – KEEP
First: the bride’s father welcomes the guests, and the groom into the family, and toasts the bride and groom.
Second: The groom responds by thanking the bride’s parents as well as his own on behalf of himself and his new wife. He also thanks those involved in organising the weddings, and lastly toasts the bridesmaids.
Third: The best man then answers on behalf of the bridesmaids and provides some light-hearted musings on the day and the groom. He may read emails or messages from people who haven’t been able to attend, and then offer a toast to absent friends. This can be particularly important if significant family members have died.
AND? Can the bride give a speech? Traditionally, she doesn’t, but there’s no reason why she can’t! My daughter-in-law gave a speech in German welcoming guests who had come from Germany, and paying tribute to her German grandmother. A fitting way to include everyone in the happy day!
Wedding favours
KEEP OR DUMP – your choice
Love it? Click here for a closer look.
Are wedding favours for your guests an essential addition to your reception plans? Short answer – no! Is it the ‘done thing’ in terms of wedding etiquette? Again – no. In days gone by, it was customary to have little favours for guests, but that has changed. My daughter-in-law’s view is that they’re a waste of money. When my daughter got married, Karen was adamant that favours were essential. Another bride, the lovely Claire, got married abroad; she and new hubby wanted to give their guests something to take away that would remind them of a wonderful time.
Going away outfit – DUMP
Who wouldn’t want to have new lingerie and honeymoon clothes! However, the moment when bride and groom drive off to cheers from the guests (and clanking tin cans trailing behind the car) is a bit lost when bride and groom are partying with their family and friends and may even be staying at the same hotel or venue.
Carrying the bride over the threshold – DUMP
Sweet if you are moving into a new home…. But seems a bit silly when the couple may already be living together!
Taking your husband’s name
KEEP OR DUMP?
Feminists say taking a man’s name is a throwback to the days when women were treated like possessions, had no rights or standing except as an addition to the man’s status. Those days are long gone. I would never judge anyone for insisting on keeping her maiden name, but I have a different view. I never felt that taking my husband’s name diminished me as a person. I was proud to bear his name, and for me it symbolised our joining from two individuals to a unit of equals.
What’s your view, as individuals and as a couple? That’s all that really matters!
Here are a few fab websites with all sorts of quirky traditions and customs to have a look at.
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