Worried about writing your own wedding vows? I have put together my top tips for your wedding vows to help you.
I sing in my local church choir and have been at many weddings. Always the traditional form of words has been spoken, whispered or sobbed, gently guided by the minister officiating. Wedding nerves are bad enough without having to remember personal vows. And what about the worries about whether the words you memorise are good enough … are they too schmaltzy? too brief? Is it ok to have cue cards and where will you put them?
In this blog, I’ll share with you what I have found out, to help you decide what is right for you and your fiance, with some great tips along the way.
www.wedmagazine.co.uk explain that wedding vows in the presence of witnesses and civil registration are a legal requirement. This is because, ultimately, the act of marriage is a binding contract with technicalities for both parties.
The vows according to the service in Common Worship for Christian ceremonies, are as follows:
‘I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God I make this vow.’ The minister says each section first, repeated first by the groom. Then it’s the bride’s turn. (I was singing at one wedding where the groom was so overcome by emotion that he could barely speak. When he finally reached the end, everyone cheered!)
Of course, not everyone has a religious ceremony. In a civil wedding, the couple makes specific statements, as required by law, in the presence of the Registrar and at least two witnesses:
I declare that I know of no legal reason why I (your name) may not be joined in marriage to (your partner’s name).
I (your full name), take you (your partner’s full name) to be my wedded wife/husband.
The couple could then, with the permission and approval of the Registrar, speak their own vows to each other.
So, now to the vows … You and your fiance have decided you will say your own vows to each other …. but you don’t know where to start…
Here are some top tips.
- Whatever you pledge, no matter how skillful you may be with words – and some folk are better at this than others – what you say will come from the heart. Words are just words – it is the sincerity and love behind them that gives them meaning.
- To begin with, why not think about the traditional vows and the meanings behind the words
– I take you to be my (husband/wife): in all the world, I choose you. No one else. Only you will do to complete my life.
– to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish: None of us knows what the future holds. Stuff happens. Redundancy, sickness, and hard times can come just as easily as good health and prosperity. None of us are superheroes either – although how we may deal with adversity may be regarded by others as heroic! Marriages need work. It won’t always be plain sailing, with hearts and roses. You are promising to resolutely face whatever life throws at you, always trusting in the love that binds you together.
– until death us do part: and when will that happen? No-one knows. It could be after a few short years (as in my case, when my husband was killed in a road accident), or after many long years into the future. Trust in yourself and in each other, taking one day at a time, and this suddenly doesn’t seem an impossible promise.
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Keep sentences fairly short – they are easier to remember. Simple words, sincerely expressed are incredibly powerful. If you dry up and can’t remember what you’ve written, just speak from the heart!
- Your vows should take about one minute to say. Practice saying them out loud. Try not to speak too fast – remember nerves will make you speak more quickly anyway. How do they sound? do you stumble over some of the words? If you are anxious that you will forget what you want to say, print them out on cue cards and give them to your chief bridesmaid to keep for you until the moment comes. (By the way, pockets in wedding dresses are becoming the norm which is helpful!)
- Just as marriage and living together are part of a unique partnership, working out your vows together is a good idea and can help with nerves on the day. Of course, you could add in your own special touches, to make what you say wholly from your heart.
- www.hitched.co.uk have lots of detailed advice: Some partners write joint vows, which can be a lovely way to start your life together. It also means you can alternate lines, which can really help if you’re feeling nervous about speaking in front of everyone.
To finish, here are some beautiful words I’ve found
From www.documentsanddesigns.com
A Celtic vow:
Ye are Blood of my Blood, and Bone of my Bone.
I give ye my Body, that we Two might be One.
I give ye my Spirit, ’til our Life shall be Done.
You cannot possess me for I belong to myself
But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give
You cannon command me, for I am a free person
But I shall serve you in those ways you require
and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand.
“You are the star of each night,
You are the brightness of every morning,
You are the story of each guest,
You are the report of every land.
No evil shall befall you, on hill nor bank,
In field or valley, on mountain or in glen.
Neither above, nor below, neither in sea,
Nor on shore, in skies above,
Nor in the depths.
You are the kernel of my heart,
You are the face of my sun,
You are the harp of my music,
You are the crown of my company.”
“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and just be my friend.”
By the way…
Did you know that I have written a little book called 101 Most Beautiful Wedding Readings? It’s a Kindle book and available on Amazon. The most romantic poetry, literature and religious readings from across the ages. Click the button below and grab your own copy.
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